Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

Category : Uncategorized

Last night my girlfriends and I went to see Fifty Shades of Grey.

Most of the counselling community will be gobsmacked that I went to see a film that ”promoted domestic violence”.

With many of the counselling and spiritual community response to the Fifty Shades of Grey film (and books) being negative, you may ask why did I go to see it? Curiosity maybe? Did I buy into the marketing of it been a Love story? In honesty the answer is, curiosity! Christian Grey in his own words is fucked up! yes curiosity about his character got the better of me, but did I believe this was a love story? No.

It’s a film and book about BDSM an older guy and a younger women who I’d say was beyond sexually naive. But is it domestic violence if someone consents? I asked this question and was surprised by how many previously physically abused women now enjoy the role of being a submissive!  They believe there is a massive difference as they can say NO! STOP! and are consenting to participate.

Can you honestly answer NO to participating in any of the things written within the book?  How many people will do something within a relationship that is out of character in order to please a partner? At some point or other most of us have; rightly or wrongly we want to please the person we are with! Was Ana Steele’s behaviour any different to anyone else’s in a new relationship?

But and it is a Big BUT!!!!!!

If you Sex out of Fifty Shades of Grey, what  are left with?  A  physically abused and neglected man (by a prostitute drug addict mother).  Who later went on to be a submissive to a much older women. It is not surprising that he exercises control in order to protect himself, he trust no one and he uses emotional manipulation to get what he wants from an inexperienced, naïve and very unsure woman!  So instead of physical violence (which is the main objection) I have to turn to psychological/emotional abuse! Which I felt the counselling community had neglected to mention.

Psychological abuse in relationships is to reduce confidence and self esteem, making a victim increasingly reliant on the abuser. Using tactics such as intimidation, bullying, constant criticism and isolating victims from family and friends. Psychological abuse is often a means of controlling the victim by having a strong mental hold over them.  Although in Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian appears to encourage Ana, to be who she wants to be there are very clear boundaries inwhich she can move, under the proviso that he is trying to keep her safe!  When in reality  our early 20s are for exploration and gaining life experiance!


However if books and films are a way that we learn about life and relationships then surely we need to monitor everything we read and watch!  Many films include a woman wronged by a man only for a knight in shining armour to sweep her off her feet! Vampire movies in which the girl has to give her life to be with the man she loves! Happy endings, taking from start to finish within 2hours without personal work going on!  Or can a film and book just be an escapism for a few hours?  A trusted friend and mentor once said to ‘never watch anything that will emotionally draw you in as these are the films that will effect your subconcious’!  No wander there is confusion, doubt and unachievable expectations in relationships!

In 15 years time would I be bothered if my daughter watched or read Fifty Shades of Grey? No, because I hope that my daughter would know the difference between a real relationship, and let’s face it a raunchy book and film adaption (which I have to say I thought was written by a man).   I hope that I will provide her with guidance on relationships and educate her on domestic violence, protection and whatever else she wants me to teach her.

Since watching Fifty Shades of Grey film, EL James has released a book from Grey’s point of view and shows his concerns, fears and the side that you do not hear, explaining his troubled past and his misgivings about entering into a “normal” relationship and the side you don’t see in the previous books or films (again this does not condone similar behaviour).

Thanks for reading

Advice and Guidence for people experiancing any form of abuse can be sought from the links below: